Project Share Day 30: joy
I’m at war with my analytic mind and my express self. My mind wants to think and comes up with plans, logic, overthinking, (problem-solving), mindless nothings, did I do that right, should I do that, and a whole bunch more. My expressive self wants to be loud, vulnerable, self expressed, vibrant, and talk with my hands.
What it looks like is I’m over the top or really serious. I’m either not listening or listening intently. I don’t really have a middle road. And that is what I strive for. Being able to just be myself, moment to moment, and that whatever part of me that needs to come out comes out.
My expressive self creates a lot of passion for what ever project I’m talking about or task I’m performing. I can be bossy and intense and focused. It can look as if I’m forcing an outcome or want certain results, and that’s not my intent. I am a commitment for others and what’s possible for them. I am of service. I can see who people really are and not just who they want the world to see. I communicate with every part of you.
My analytical mind talks to itself most of the time. I can look as I’m judging and I can tell you that is not who I am. The judgment is on my own behavior and in my own responses. I think too much. And it’s not about who you are or even what you’re saying, it’s about what I’m not doing or what I’m not saying, so I’m not present in our conversation. The mind chatter wants to keep chattering.
This is an area in my life I am transforming. I am listening to you. My promise is that I am listening to you, and when I’m not I will tell you so. What I say is the truth, and what I mean is what I say. I what I say is what I mean. And if you ever have any questions, ask me.
I pulled an Oracle, Angel card this morning and I pulled “life purpose”. “The purpose of your life is to serve in a way that brings great joy to yourself and others…” it’s the perfect card for today. I need to follow my path, with full intention of bringing myself joy and bringing joy to others. It really is a moment to moment process. The struggle between the analytical mind and expresses self is always going to be with me. And my life’s purpose is not to see who wins. It’s to be in the moment creating joy for the world.