Project Share Day 9: Vulnerability
Oh vulnerability. It hurts sometimes and it is so vital to our existence.
I don’t like to look bad or weak. I don’t like to mess up or do things wrong. I don’t know how to do it any other way. Which doesn’t work.
I am really hard on myself. Judging and making myself wrong for things that don’t need to be. Today was a very fragile day. I felt like everything I did just wasn’t right or I was waiting for other people to make decisions in order for me to get things done, and my patience was completely gone. I couldn’t be with other people as their presence was just irritating me because overall I couldn’t get done what I needed to get done. And me not doing a job/task because I was waiting for someone else felt like I failed.
This is my old way of thinking. Not this new model that I’ve been learning that nothing is a failure. I am not a failure. I just wasn’t effective on what I needed to get done and then create the action steps in order to get things done. Vulnerability. Not being able to express my emotions and how I was feeling created more emotions on the situation and a downward spiral. My “point of view” that I’m not good enough came back. And so did my need to prove that I could do everything and anything and be dependable came back as well.
While talking with my coach John, I could recognize that all my colors and thoughts and feelings are powerful; And to share the breakdowns with the breakthroughs are equally important. It’s what makes us a human being. Anyone remember Free to Be, You and Me: “It’s ok to cry, crying takes the sad out of it. It’s ok to cry, it might make you feel better!”
I am discovering new ways of being (existing), communicating, insights of power and being vulnerable. I’m taking on sharing myself and what matters to me (self-expression, body image, my family, and simplifying lives are a few) and my ability to really get out of my head and show my unconditional love and genuine interest (& care) in people. I might not always look that I am paying attention… I am.